i wrote this little thingy right hurr for my most wonderful ohhfantastic, who is forever the metis to my josh and who i lauve lauve lauve! first semi-long thing i've written in months, so you know. ignore my lack of capitalization - i wrote it like that originally and it doesn't bug me and i'm way too lazy to fix it. enjoy!

UNTITLED [working title: 'HANNAH'S GAY ILUS']
☞ honeydew syndrome // josh/metis | pg | 1051 words [WHAT] | a confession!

( ★ ★ ★ )

[ DAY 146-49 | year of smiles. ]

public transportation and shitty phone connections. being grilled about dramu. having talks with cat and dad for the first time in a long time. dancing with my little brother. black outs. fisherman's wharf. chocolate shirts. haunted gift shops. texting commander. itos of all shapes and kinds. getting back into the groove of writing. up. fat little kids, old guys and talking dogs. love love love. three more days!

Thanks to my shitty internet, I've spent the past few days feeling really fucking isolated. I'm lucky if I get five minutes in between disconnections and it won't tell me until ten minutes later, which leads to me just thinking I'm super incredibly boring to everyone I'm talking to and not worth replying to and as much as I try to remember that it's my internet, that immediate feeling of rejection isn't something I can really control and having it happen at five minute intervals hasn't really put me in the best of moods the past few days.

But it's okay! There are worse things in the world and the worst thing about this situation is just not being able to be there when people need me, which sucks.

I read Paper Towns by John Green today and I highly recommend it, it was fucking hilarious and made me want to pee into a beer can and go on an adventure like no one has ever seen. However, it also brought me to the very sad conclusion that this is a very hard thing to want to accomplish as a 14 year old.

Anyway, I'm going to quit flappin' my mouth and get to gettin'. I'm going to leave this post public just in case anyone has something they need to tell me, completely honestly. I'm a tough cookie, I promise I can take it.

HONESTY MEME

PURSUING MY TRUE SELF.

Guys. Tell me something that matters to you. Maybe something that's bothering you or something that you're proud of or something that you care so much about but it's the stupidest thing ever. I wanna hear it. :)

ANON ON/IP OFF.

this is the non-judging zone.

I just want to thank Jaclyn for puchasing me a brain for New Years. MAY THIS YEAR BE LESS STUPID THAN THE PREVIOUS.

XOXO, YOU COTTON HEADED NINNYMUGGINS.

LET'S RING IN SOME

honesty

WITH THE NEW YEAR

THE MEME

whores around. :>

I really want to take the time and seriously, from the bottom of my heart thank you guys for helping me through the past few months. I don't know what I would've done without this one anchor in my life and I will forever be just so glad that I had some people to fall back on. This past year, I've gained friends (gained best friends), lost friends (lost best friends), but above all? I figured out that I don't have it all figured out. And these past few weeks, I've come to terms with it. I'm okay with it. I'm okay with the fact that I'm changing and that things aren't like they've always been.

To all the people I used to know: thank you. You might not be reading this, but every person I've met has shaped me at least a little, whether I know it or not.

To all the people who I continue to know: thank you. Hopefully, you're reading this and you understand just how much I appreciated all of the moral support and all of the late nights cheering me up and just. you know. everything. I can't thank you enough. I don't think I can even express what all of your support has done for me. I really can't.

So, you know. Thank you. Thank you for who I was, thank you for who I am and thank you for who I'm going to be. The people who I surround myself with slowly shape me into so many glorious things that I would have never been all by myself and just.

Jesus chocolate christ. You all are amazing. Exist on my side of the universe, okay?

MEGS this icon is for you. :>

I did many things this weekend. ALL OF THESE I WILL TOTALLY DISCUSS IN MORE DETAIL/WITH SPOILERS IN THE COMMENTS IF YOU WANT. PLEASE. talk to me about this stuff before i explode oh my god. SCREAMS. ONWARD!

one. i read runaways volumes one and two.

SO PRETTY MUCH THIS IS AMAZING AND I WANT TO WRITE FIC ABOUT EVERYONE IN IT especially molly just being molly because she is my faaaaavorite and if molly and gert had a baby I THINK IT WOULD BE ME. And okay, there is a velociraptor named Old Lace that has a nosering in it. WHAT! HOW COULD YOU NOT FALL IN LOVE? I am in love. I am in love a lot. My love has been shown by uploading as many decent icons of them as I could find, sobs. ALSO CHASE. CHASE IS AMAZING I CRY WITH HIS AMAZINGNESS. KAROLINA IS JUST FULL OF LMFAO. I didn't like, realize she was a lesbian until they basically screamed it in our faces. BASICALLY I BELIEVE THAT SHE IS A GREAT BACKDROP WHEN THEY DO THEIR WHOLE 'TRY NOT TO DIE' THING. alex is a douchehead and nico is a whore BUT I LIKE HER ANYWAY. And obviously since Gert and Molly are having a lovechild that is me, I LOVE THEM TOO. I don't even know how to express my love. LIKE SERIOUSLY WHAT DO I DO WITH MYSELF NOW?? I NEED VOLUME THREE! WHO HAS IT. Please. Help a soul in need. I am in need. My soul is crying.

two. i read young avengers volume one.

The reason I got Runaways in the first place was because it came in a torrent with YA, which is what I originally wanted to read BUT ANYWAY I LOVED YOUNG AVENGERS. I was already familiar with the fandom because I've rped with Billy and Teddy before (I WAS ALSO IN LOVE WITH BILLY IN TEDDY) and seriously, I had high expectations. And my expectations totally held up. S-SOBS I HAVE A TOTAL GIRLCRUSH ON CASSIE. IS THAT SO WRONG? TO BE IN LOVE WITH A GIANT GIRL? I enjoy her so much oh my lordie lord. A-AND I TOTALLY SCREAM WHENEVER I SEE THE AVENGERS. Like, even in Runaways, whenever the Cap showed up I was always like SCREAMS. I have a crush on him too. S-SOBS I CAN'T HANDLE THIS MUCH AWESOME. Is Volume Two out yet? CAN SOMEONE GIVE ME YOUNG AVENGERS:INITIATIVE?? soul is crying again. i am seriously turning into the pacific ocean. ABBY! TRAUMA! NEED! IN! LIFE!

three. i read deadman wonderland.

Beautiful art, CRAZY ASS CONCEPT KKEJFNLEJ I LOVE IT. Minatsuki scares the shit out of me but she is so FREAKILY FASCINATING. Crow makes me laugh so hard lkjewnfjknf SCREAMS AND GANTA AND AND AND SHIRO i would love to play her somewhere, she cracks me the hell up. SHRIEKS. IT IS SO AMAZING.

four. i watched season one of buffy.

BUFFY. OH MY GOD BUFFY. I... DON'T EVEN HAVE WORDS. SCREAM WITH ME IN THE COMMENTS.

So yeah. 8| As you can see I hated all of it.